“The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.”
– Jim Henson
While in my active parenting years, I would always say, “As an adult in a child’s life, you are either an example of what to be or not to be. The choice is yours to make.” When children are young and impressionable, they predominately learn through imitation. As they get older and heavily influenced by others outside the home, they begin making their own decisions. Developing into independent individuals determining who they are and building their own identities. In these developmental years, they start to decide if they want to follow their parent’s lead or not.
My father was full of wisdom and would tell me, “Be careful who you choose to hang out with because you become like them.” I found this advice to be valuable in my adolescence and as an adult. He taught me about setting boundaries and being picky about whom I brought into my circle because these choices may have a profound influence on me somehow.
My son benefited from his grandfather’s wisdom as well. When in high school and hearing this advice for the umpteenth time, my son replied with some insight of his own, “That may be true, but not if you are the bull of the pack. If you’re the dominant person in the group, others follow you.” My father calmly replied, “If you’re the bull in the pack, it’s time to find some new friends. You cannot grow and improve yourself if everyone is following you. You need to have someone that you look up to that challenges and inspires you to do better.” My father sat back in his chair, crossed his arms, and gave his grandson a loving smirk as though he had just “dropped the mic.”
I have always looked up to my father as a positive role model in my life. Although simple, his advice had substance, meaning, and relevance, and his ability to “walk his talk” left lasting positive effects on me. He was my example of “what to be” and how to live my life.
Through imitation, kids will show us who we are. Young children are not only sponges, but they can also be mirrors reflecting your behaviors. The way you think, the words you speak, and how you treat yourself and others will indicate your overall attitude toward life. Just like role-modeling healthy lifestyle and exercise behaviors, a positive attitude will lay the groundwork for how your kids may feel about themselves. Therefore, becoming aware of your attitude and working toward improvements will result in enormous benefits for the young lives you impact.
Here are a few suggestions to help with attitude awareness and improvements.
Work on being your best self.
Becoming a better you is a personal journey, and finding ways to improve yourself can come through various methods. You can read books, seek professional help through counseling or join a support group. Improvements can also include setting aside time for self-care, getting help when you need a break, and implementing practices to improve the quality of your attitude. There is no right or wrong way to improve yourself, but the way that works best for you. Regardless of your chosen method, improving your attitude will have lasting benefits for those looking up to you.
Be aware of your consistent mood and temperament.
Are you moody, angry, stressed, overwhelmed, and short with strangers and family members most of the time? You may realize this and know you can do better, but taking time to think about why you feel this way creates awareness. This awareness allows you to understand better how to begin making improvements in your mood, temperament, and actions one small step at a time.
Be conscious of where you place your focus.
Do you tend to spin on the negatives, difficulties, and problems with your life? Do you spend a lot of time and effort thinking or talking about what’s not working for you? The first step toward any improvement is deciding to do and be better. Choose to become a solution-based thinker that spends more time thinking and talking about solutions than problems. Although it’s essential to understand the problem, continually lamenting over it doesn’t help you improve. The more you focus on something, the more of it you get. If you focus on problems, you get more problems. If you focus on solutions, you get an optimistic outlook. Choose to spend 20% of your energy on issues and 80% on finding solutions.
Practice putting space between your emotions and your responses.
If you find yourself regularly responding to adverse events and emotions quickly, try taking a moment to breathe to put some space between what irritated and aggravated you and how you choose to respond. I understand this one can be hard, but with practice and patience, improvements will come. Give yourself some grace and slow down when angered as best you can.
Creating positive change starts will awareness and mindfulness. You can’t improve what you don’t know; therefore, knowing yourself is the best place to start. Making personal improvements will enhance the quality of your state of mind, perception, and outlook, which will have tremendous positive benefits for impressionable children.
Join us next Sunday when we share nutrition tips for parents and caregivers who have the most influence over a growing child’s health and development.
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